Day 7

Today was a much better day than yesterday. I didn't start uncontrollably crying until about 4pm. A vast improvement from 2 days ago when I cried all day long. I actually felt good enough to clean up my room. Then I crashed emotionally at 4pm. Last night was the first time I didn't wake up in the middle of the night with hot and cold sweats. I still feel pretty yucky, but definitely way better than I was even 2 days ago. I have been having some Fibromyalgia pain the last 2 days and my back pain is still bothering me. But I went and had a 1 1/2 hour massage yesterday which I think helped. It's now 636pm and I am feeling emotional, weepy, and very irritated. My poor kids just want to be around me and are being very good, but I am so irritable right now I can't stand to be around them. Not their fault, just the way my brain is working right now. My little girl just wants to spend the whole day "taking care of Mommy". For a 4 year old that means spending about 2 minutes petting my head, then another 20 minutes of blabbering about all the silly things that 4 yo girls want to talk about followed by 20 minutes of whining to get me to do something for her. Unfortunately I just don't have the energy to deal with anything other than the 2 minutes of head petting. I SOOOOOO just want my life back! I want to be able to take my kids to the park, volunteer in their classrooms, go to the beach for the day, all without Fibromyalgia pain and without being on narcotics. I also just feel very alone. Thankfully I only know 1 other person who has this terrible disease. I wouldn't wish Fibro on even my worst enemy. But it would be nice to have someone that I am close to to talk to and comisserate together who understands fully what I am going through. I am on 3 chat boards for Fibro and they are great support, but still not the same as talking to a real live person. Anyone else in blogland understand what I am going through?