Day 8

This morning was terrible! I was an emotional wreck! Crying, nauseated, and more crying. BUT I did do three things successfully today. 1- went with the family for a short hike up a moderate hill. Felt like Sh** the whole time and felt light headed on the walk down from the exercise, but I made it! 2- cut my WH's hair this afternoon. The boys in our house get basic buzz cuts every few weeks from the $25 hair cutting kit I bought from Target a couple years ago after my son kept cutting his own hair and I kept having to pay out $20 to the barber to fix it. Mommy said "Forget this. Why am I paying someone else to buzz off all his hair when I can do it myself at home." 3- Flushed all my left over Vicodin, Percocet, Tylenol with Codeine, and Ambien down the toilet. I have been taking Ambien the last week to help me sleep at night during my withdrawals from the opiates. But WH is very good at tracking all my symptoms and he asked me this morning if I had any idea why I was much more emotional during the morning hours and felt better in the afternoons. So when my head cleared out a bit about an hour, I googled Ambien side effects and read through countless personal stories of people who were addicted to Ambien. Holy Cow! Like I need my body to become addicted to another drug! And many of the people said that Ambien made them depressed and very emotional...hello..ding ding ding! That's me! Hopefully this is what was causing most of my depressive states over the last week. And hopefully I will be able to sleep well in a few days using the all natural supplements that I have that encourage natural serotonin levels and my depressive states will stop and my emotions will return to normal. I kept wondering why it was taking me soooooo long to go through the opiate withdrawals. WH did some research for me the other night and said that from what he read, most people going throug opiate withdrawals start to feel better within 7-14 days. I figured that since I wasn't on them much for a long time, my withdrawal symptoms wouldn't last so long. And I kept wondering why I was getting so depressed and panicky. So, down the toilet it all went. Kind of empowering to finally do something productive. Also very scary to know that I don't have any backup in case my Fibro pain flares up so much that I can't walk. But like I have told many of my friends, "sometimes you just have to jump". You can research and pray about things until you are blue in the face (I am a total believer in Faith, God and Jesus Christ), but even God says that you must also ACT. Which in some cases that means you have to jump in faith even when it's scary. So I am JUMPING! Please keep praying for me and my family.